Pains of incest victims

Citing a plethora of cases of incestuous abuses, Medinat Kanabe reviews the horrible effects of incest on victims, while also exploring the signs and effectiveness of the legal system.

Little Matilda (not real name) was eight when she was sexually abused by her uncle. Following that experience, she became sexually wild and began experimenting on her own, initiating her friends at school to sex in the process. She was sleeping with boys and girls alike in school, and even with her brother at home. Often when she slept with her brother, she called on her younger ones to come watch. Due to no fault of hers, little Matilda thus transformed into more or less a time bomb and a bad influence on her immediate communities, having  lost her innocence at a very tender age.

The above is a typical scenario of possible evil consequences of incest and other sexual abuses on a child.

Take the case of another girl-child victim, Shola (not real name). Shola’s father gave his brother the go ahead to sleep with her and in turn collected money from him. When the uncle travelled, her father took over and continued sleeping with her. This continued perpetually, and before Shola clocked 18, she had undergone seven abortions for both her uncle and her father.

In both cases as narrated by Mrs. Itoro Eze-Anaba, managing partner, Partnership for Justice and CEO, Mirabel Centre, help did come the way of the victims from her organisation; but not before grievous damages had been done.

For this reason, she advised parents not to be judgemental or blame their children when such abuses happens and said they should instead put in prevention measures.

“Tell your children the names of their body parts, so that when something happens, they can tell you what really happened to them – not that they will call it a name that people will not understand. We have had a client that her uncle was touching her vagina and when she was brought in, she was calling the vagina a name that I have not heard before.

“Teach the boy-child sex education too because they believe that they are entitled to taking things by force. Show good example to your child. If a father does not respect his wife at home, it will tell on his male child.”

She also said people can know if their children are going through sexual abuse when they suddenly change.

“She may become withdrawn, if she ordinarily was chatty. She may start bedwetting, sucking her thumb, or starts acting adult. When your husband becomes too close to her, buys her gifts, selects her from the group, calls her special names, or when the girl starts to be withdrawn from him, or feel uncomfortable around him.

“The girl may also want to tell you in other subtle ways because perpetrators threaten their victims. Take the case of one of our clients; when she was brought to the centre and the case was exposed, she was happy that her mother did not die, because she had been told that if she said anything, her mother would die.

“If your child falls victim, seek help for the child. Speak out; find solution to the problem; bring the perpetrator to book; because if left alone, he would move to another victim. And the only way you can really help is to make sure the perpetrator is taken out and locked up.

Thereafter, let her be taken in for therapy and counselling, so she can get over it and have the opportunity to get medical care and psychosocial help. Let her also understand that is was not her fault.”

Cases of infant abuses

Said Valentine Peter Nkwo, a counsellor at the Mirabel Centre, cases of horrible sexual abuses abound. She said cases usually are reported to the police and taken up by the Centre, adding that “Until about two and half weeks ago, the youngest client in the organisation’s care was about 16 months old.

“We have had a case of a 10-month old child whose mother was lucky to catch her father (her husband) penetrating her vaginal with his finger. When she first heard the baby’s cry and came out to ask what was happening, he said the baby was crying, so he carried her. It was on the second occasion that she noticed that his fingers were in her vagina, and she immediately made a distress call. When confronted, the man said the little girl is his daughter and he could never do any such thing to her.

“Of course the mother did not believe him, and this caused a serious problem in the family which ultimately led to their separation. But unfortunately when they got to the police station after the man had beaten her, she did not tell the police about the sexual assault because she feared that the police would tell them to go and settle it at home.

“One of the policewomen however noticed that anytime the man came near the baby, she cried and fidgeted and never wanted to be near him. She then interrogated the mother, who confided in her that the man had been molesting the baby, but begged her not to put it in the case file, as they were there purely for domestic violence. They were referred to an agency for domestic violence and while they were talking with them, the woman brought up the issue of sexual assault on her baby. Lo and behold, when they came to us and we tested the child, we found that there had been actual penetration.”

Nkwo said “Sexual abuse is rape. Sexual abuse is anal penetration; it is putting the perpetrators penis in the victim’s mouth; making the child fondle the perpetrator; it is making you see me naked; it is getting naked in front of you and allowing you touch me; and it is making you get naked in front of me.”

She also said they have had over 750 cases of rape at the centre since it opened in 2013.

Victims as activists

Speaking as a guest on an Africa Independent Television programme, Amazons, Chinyere Eyoh of Sexual Offences Awareness and Victims Rehabilitation Initiatives, who was a victim of rape, shared her story and why she never reported the case. She said she was raped for eight years by her uncle.

“He started to sleep with me when I was five, but at age 13, I just told him that I wasn’t doing it again. He tried one or two times more, but I insisted that I was no longer allowing him.

“It is sad to say and I regret that until my dad died, I never told him. My mum didn’t know as well until I came out to tell my story when I started this work. When she heard, she was devastated. She wondered how such could have happened right under her nose without her even suspecting. This is why I have the passion to do what I am doing; letting parents know  that unless they train themselves to recognise the signs and  become the parents they are meant to be, it can go on right under their nose without them knowing.

Eyoh said parents must teach children that if somebody touches them in certain parts of their body, or says certain things to them, or if some uncle behaves in a certain manner to them, they should tell. “You don’t wait until that time when the child already knows more than you, to tell them.

“Sex education starts at two, three and above. Let the child become comfortable with their body parts; call them by their names. Let the child know that you can be their first point of call when they have anything to share. In everyday conversation, talk about it. Take advantage of every opportunity you get.

“Let children know that not every uncle or aunty is a friend, because in our culture, every one older than a child is an uncle or aunty. We should teach our children that adults should be respected, but let them know that uncles can do things to them that is not right.”

On how she was able to rise above the abuse and become what she is today, Eyoh said not every survivor will need to come and share their stories the way she is doing today, but she encourages them to get someone to talk to, preferably their pastors.

 “A lot of times, victims and survivors are blamed by their families. They also shut them up. They don’t want the society to know what has happened. They keep it between themselves. Most survivors do not get the support they need from families, and that is why we are very heavy on awareness creation and teaching prevention strategies to parents and other child-care givers; so they know what to do to protect the children. We work with schools, with parents, and right now with the FCT Education Secretariat in Abuja. We have programmes running in schools for girls.”

Serially abused

Another victim, Dr Olufemi Kayode of Media Concern for Women and Children who is also a victim said hers started with family members.

“It was a senior cousin who is four years older.” He came for holidays at her mother’s place and began to have sexual relationship with her. She said she didn’t tell anyone at the time because she was a minor of less than 12.

When I was 12, another uncle of mine from my father’s side was discovered to be molesting me. I remember my father told my mum “go clean your daughter up,” and he was sent out of the house. That was the last we heard of that matter in my house.

That did not stop the harassment. One thing that I have discovered through experience is that children who have been molested are very susceptible to being molested again. No matter how you move them, it doesn’t change anything. It is like it is written on their foreheads. They are easily picked out. It was like I carried this sticker on my head that read “molest me.” Different people wanted to touch me, to molest me and that went on and of course later on, I got gang raped as a teenager. When I was a woman, I was also raped. But all through all of these, I knew something wasn’t right.

Most abuse of girls are from known family members, so parents have to look out for some signs instead of stopping family members from coming.

I say to people, anyone can molest but you also have to be careful – not everyone is a molester. But we need to be cautious because what I have seen working in this area for 15 years, is that people get too afraid because of the dynamics surrounding child abuse.

It is not just family members, it could be people who are closest to the family, it could be neighbours, cleaners, gardeners, teachers, pastors, drivers etc.

Warning Signs

On the issue of signs, we need to be careful not to send a message of fear, whereby the child becomes afraid of everyone around her. It is just to use your intuition, which women have a lot of.

The signs might also not be sexual abuse but that something else is troubling the child; so we need to be careful except there are physical signs of bleeding or STDs, then you can say this child has been molested. It starts from a point, not every child is penetrated; but it is still abuse because the child has been exposed to certain sexual activity. You have one year, two years old, we have had 18 months old baby. We have seen all sorts of cases.

Basically what we do is respond to sexual violence since 2012. I was in Punch newspaper then and I brought up the issue of child sexual abuse. Over 2,000 youth responded all over the country then that it has happened to them before, so the statistics is very high.

Interestingly, we are in a country where we know that statistics is a big issue. We at Media Concern have been trying to get agencies to give us reports including the police. We started work officially in 2003 and we opened the first rape crisis centre in the country in 2005.

We have recorded up to 7, 000 cases so far and 85 per cent are children below 10 years.  We have also had about 30 convictions. Some cases are not cases that you take to court because they happened a long time ago.

Abroad people can be convicted for sexual offences that they committed a long time ago but our law does not allow that.

In the face of a week legal system

Despite the gravity of sexual abuses, perpetrators in Nigeria unfortunately go unpunished more of the time. Lawyers say over 70 percent of cases that have to do with gender-based violence do not end up in conviction. As a result, many Nigerian families, especially women and young girls at the receiving end of this crime hardly ever bother making a report at a police station. The general belief is that they would be turned back by the police, on grounds that it is a family matter, or that they should ‘settle’ the police to carry out its investigations.

A good number of others simply do not bother because of their conviction that the court may take a painfully long time in bringing their assailants to justice. Often the defendant would have become tired, with the case becoming more of a burden on them or something better forgotten. This may be because the Investigating Police Officer is asking for some form ‘settlement’ to be present in the court or the perpetrator is a powerful person in the society who could afford to ‘buy’ the law.

Inevitably, this has allowed impunity to fester, with sexual abuses and rape attaining an all time high in recent time.

 Sexual Offences Bill to the rescue?

The Senate recently passed the Sexual Offences Bill to address sundry issues of sexual abuses, including rape and incest. But while the bill awaits the president’s signature, Nigerians have already begun picking holes and calling for another look-in before it is finally signed into law. Lawyers, activists and individuals alike are bothered that the country does not pass another ineffective law replete with various escape routes for offenders yet again. Even though it seems to come down hard on offenders, stipulating up to life imprisonment for convicted persons; Nigerians are worried over its loose areas.

Lagos State Government for instance described it as “offensive, obnoxious, inconsistent and likely to increase the incidences of sexual abuses in Nigeria.” The Solicitor-general of the state, Lawal Pedro, while addressing the press alongside members of state’s Domestic and Sexual Violence Response Team (DSVRT) recently said the bill “seeks to introduce a strange defence based on the innocent act of a child (referred to as deceit) and belief of the perpetrator that a child is above 18 years when he committed the act of defiling the child,” and said that the state would not hesitate to institute a redress in court, should the president append his signature to it.

Mrs Itoro Eze-Anaba of the Mirabel Centre, also cited this loophole when she said that there are sections in the Sexual Violence Offences Bill 2014 where defence is given to perpetrators. To her, such sections should be expunged.

She explained that this is inconsistent with the interest and welfare of children and contradicts the Child’s Right Act.

She however said the police are very active in helping her organisation access cases. “The girls are referred to us mostly from the Family Support Unit of the police stations. The ones that don’t have this unit also send them to us; likewise the hospitals and the relevant government agencies. Some of the girls also walk into the centre themselves. People are beginning to speak out; but for every one person that comes out, there are 10 more persons who are not coming out.”

She noted that any time they get cases; they make it a point of duty to report to the social welfare because the centre believes that if a man could sleep with his daughter or any other minor, then all minors in that community are at risk. “So, we follow up to make sure that the man is arrested.”

Talking about victims under her organisation’s care, she said “When they first come, they look dejected, sad, depressed and suicidal; but after going through counselling and medical treatment, they walk out with their heads high. They go through transformation because they are in a place where they are not judged, where someone has listened to them and believed them and has not blamed them; and the services are free!

“Some of them come in and do not want to talk; some come with their parents and allow their parents do the talking. But if it is a matured minor, we try to have a one-on-one with them because they tend to open up when their parents are not around.

“We try to make sure that even if they’re not talking, they are taking the medical treatment because there are certain drugs they must take within 73 hours, so that they can be protected against HIV/AIDS.”

Former Ikeja Nigerian Bar Association chairman, Barr. Onyekachi Ubani, while responding on the same television programme, expressed concern about the Nigerian legal system, which allows several reported cases of sexual abuse and rape drag indefinitely. This, according to him, is because after an arrest, prosecution, investigation and concerted efforts at making available witnesses in court, accused persons often end up escaping conviction.

He said this may be because the Investigating Police Officer, IPO, has been transferred or because he has required the complainant to fund his trips to court. And if he is not able to do this, the IPO may not be present in court, which often culminates series of adjournment and ultimately a loss of interest by the victim.

He said “90 per cent of these cases often do not end up in successful trials,” but insisted that “Nigeria does not lack good laws but we have issues of implementation.”

He said “We don’t have the political will and our institutions are not strong enough to implement laws. Also, the law seems not to be looking at those who have money because in Nigeria the more money you have, the more you can buy justice.”

Ubani also condemned the tendency of the police to advise settlement out of court. Usually this affects the faith of victim/complainant and or her relatives. In cases of incest, especially father to daughter, such advise usually discourages the wife/mother of the victim, and next she begins to worry more about saving her husband  in this case the accused, from going to jail, or even the stigma that may follow such pursuance.

Police’s response

When The Nation called the Lagos State Police Public Relations Officer, Mr Kenneth Nwosu to comment on the matter of police, especially the part that have seemingly blamed it for  making it difficult for victims to get justice, he said, “It cannot be true. The Commissioner of Police takes issues of gender-based violence very seriously; we don’t joke with it. There is a directive now that any case of gender-based violence should be taken to state CID, where there is a trained personnel to take care of it. As I speak to you now, there is a case in Owutu, Ikorodu, where it was alleged that due to accusation and counter-accusation of infidelity, the family of a man spread pepper and inserted a bottle into the private part of a woman. As soon as we got the report, the CP directed that the case be taken to Panti for swift investigation and action. So anybody saying the police are not working is living in the past and is obviously not talking about the Lagos State Police Command.”

The PPRO concluded by reiterating that “It is our duty to protect the vulnerable in the society and we are trying our best to do that.”